Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
