Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
