Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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