allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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