Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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