Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You smell like stripper and shame
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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