grandma shit on top of the toilet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
