i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
