shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
