I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
