I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
