I puked a lego.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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