Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
