I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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