So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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