People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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