omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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