how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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