why didn't you poke me back
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I need moral support for this bender
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
