Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
