The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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