So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
