I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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