im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
