im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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