I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
