No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
