I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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