somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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