SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
