I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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