is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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