I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
