If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
