I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
