Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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