I just saw a hot homeless man
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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