also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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