It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
