I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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