STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize