I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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