im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
