I faked an abortion last night.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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