she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
