The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
