i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
