I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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