Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
