Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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