What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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