i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
