I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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