bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Congratulations! We have a period
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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