put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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