I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize