my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize