someone owes me an orgasm
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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