she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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