I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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